Making Amends with Band-Camp-Boy

Does anyone else have those moments from your past that have just nagged your conscience a little bit over the years?  Things that seem small and stupid that no one probably cares about anymore but that someday you might like to apologize for and make amends?  Well I had such an opportunity last weekend. 

(Before I get into it, I would just like to say that the reason for my lack of posts lately is because I have really just been too busy and preoccupied to keep up my online dating.  So I haven't actually met up with or corresponded with anyone new lately.  I haven't given up, I'm just taking a little break.  So this story actually has nothing to do with online dating but may provide some humor nonetheless.)

So I went out with a couple of friends of mine last weekend and we ended up crashing one of my friends' work parties at an Asian Karaoke bar.  As soon as we arrived, I realized that my grade 9 ex-boyfriend was belting out the Backstreet Boys on the microphone.   He recognized me right away, even though it had been years since we've seen each other or talked, and I wasn't sure what kind of reception he would give me based on how things were left between us all those years ago.

But after his rendition of "As Long As You Love Me", he came up to me right away to chat and catch up.  I think he even greeted me with a hug (I was already pretty smashed by this point so I'm a little hazy on the greeting details).  Anyhow, we got to talking about all the people from junior high/high school that we're still in touch with and then he introduced me to some of his friends at the party and immediately told them about our 2 week grade 9 romance.

So back in the day, we were both in the school band together.  He played bassoon.  I played saxophone.  A match made in heaven, right?  And I kind of knew he liked me and I think he knew I liked him, so when we were at band camp together (so lame, I know) he asked me to be his girlfriend one night on the back of the hay ride.  I said yes and was a smitten kitten the rest of the weekend. 

So he told this story to all his friends, which I thought was pretty cute, especially because you can imagine the jokes we got about hooking up at band camp (in our defence, this was pre-American Pie), but then he ended the story by shouting with indignation: "AND YOU BROKE UP WITH ME THROUGH A NOTE YOU PASSED ME IN SCIENCE CLASS!!!"

After hamming it up and playing the poor, hurt, dumped little boy, I was able to not only apologize but explain to him the reason why I broke up with him.  You see, this is one of those incidents that I've always felt kind of bad about, because he was a really nice kid who didn't deserve to be dumped via a note (keep in mind, this was in junior high).  But I explained to him that the break-up note was totally logical because his sister told my sister's best friend who told my sister who told me that he was thinking of breaking up with me.  So the science class break-up was a completely rational, pre-emptive move to save my rep, right? 

He denied ever telling his sister that he wanted to break up with me and in hindsight, I can see that maybe, just maybe, whatever he did tell his sister got lost in translation.  So I was able to make amends and sleep soundly that night (which was probably also due to the obscene amount of vodka cranberries I drank that evening).

The moral of the story is that it's never too late to apologize for your previous bad dating behavior.  I think Band-Camp-Boy and I might even go for lunch one of these days.

Bedefined: on what he's really good at - "Resourceful, philosophical, conservative/recycling, everything i touch turns to gold"

Confused

This post is about my 7.5 hour second date with the Fly Fisherman.

No, I didn't have a stop watch running during our date, but it did cross my mind today that we met for dinner at 5:30 and I didn't get home until 1ish.  I guess that's a good sign, right?

So I was in pretty foul mood when I met him for dinner.  Some non-dating related things happened this week that have made me really angry and I wasn't in the best frame of mind to be going on a date.  Also, I totally spaced out on the train going to meet him and missed my stop, so I was in a hurry and kind of just wanted to get it over with.  But I guess I didn't have the highest expectation the first time I met up with him, and like our first date, our second date was pleasantly surprising.

We had a quick dinner before heading to a football game.  I am a huge football fan and have had been going to games with my dad since I was 9.  I have season tickets but now that my dad has moved to a different city, it is surprisingly hard to find people to go with me.  My team is in first place and has had an almost perfect season, but a week ago we got our asses kicked by one of the worst teams in the league.  The game last night was against the second best team and I was not optimistic going into the game, especially having been in a terrible mood all day.

Well last night, we won, by a lot!  And it made me so happy!  I am honestly trying to figure out right now if I had such a good time last night because of the guy or the game.  It's probably a bit of both.  We had a good time at dinner, talking a bit more about our backgrounds, families, etc. and the game was a great venue for a second date because it was pretty casual and had readily available beer.  Oh, the beer. (I'll elaborate below).

So, I made a concerted effort throughout the night to be as honest as I could about myself.  I told him on no uncertain terms that I hate cooking, I don't clean often (to the point that there is not a clean dish in my apartment right now) and I provided full disclosure on my smoking habit (I know, I'm a terrible smoky smoker who deserves to get lung cancer, etc. etc.).  Also in the spirit of full disclosure, he now knows what the drunk version of myself is like.

We had many beers throughout the night, and I am a bit of a light weight, so here are the highlights: I came very close to getting into a fight with this puny, closed-minded asshole sitting a little ways down from us (for a good reason, I swear), I told him all about Hole-in-his-Crotch Guy who sits a couple seats away (see my first post for more details) and I dragged him to a random karaoke bar with my cousin and his friends (who I didn't know) after the game and then promptly decided that the karaoke bar wasn't fun enough so we had to leave.

So to his credit, he was trooper and has seen me close to my limit of intoxication, so if he is still interested, I guess that's something!

But to go back to the butterfly thing again, it just felt like something was missing.  He was a total gentleman and very respectful, but he was definitely being more affectionate than I was.  Like when we were walking, he would occasionally touch my back or when we were sitting he would touch my arm, and instead of feeling excited, I just totally pulled away.  Maybe this is my own issue and I have some deep seeded psychological problems with getting close to people or maybe I'm just not that interested.  He seems great and there is nothing overtly wrong with him,  but I can't help but feel a lack of enthusiasm.  So maybe, just maybe, these things take time and I should give it another go.  I don't believe in love at first sight, and since most guys I've dated have started as friends, maybe I should take more time to get to know him before making a decision one way or the other.

Why is dating so hard?  And how come I'm questioning myself instead of trusting in my own feelings?  I thought maybe writing things down in a blog would help me clarify some of these things, but I'm just left feeling just as confused as before.  I just want someone to make these decisions for me!

So in the spirit of trying to be more optimistic, at least he's not a waiter at one of my favourite restaurants, so if things don't work out I won't have to cross yet another decent place to eat off my list of acceptable establishments (this has actually been a problem for me this past year) and at least he's not in a band getting underwear thrown at him on stage by slutty slut slut whorish band groupies (yet another problem I have faced in my dating past).

On that note, let us see what Confusion101 has to say about being logical:

Confusion101: "since I wasn't born into a walthy estate or possess top notch quality charisma I like to pride my self on believing I can summon the strength to think outside hte box and transcend logic" (I think he obtained his goal of transcending logic in that sentence, good job!)

Missing the Butterflies

So tonight I am going on my second date with the Fly Fisherman (see my last post for me details), and I think it should be a good time, but I can't help but feel a little disappointed at the lack of anticipation.

I mean, online dating effectively takes the mystery and the fun of the chase out of new relationships.  On the one hand, it is convenient to be able to weed out all the undesirables right from the start by looking at people's profiles and e-mailing back and forth.  But I am finding that it also takes the suspense out of the equation as well. 

Everything just seems so cut and dry and to the point.  Guy looks at Girl's profile.  Guy e-mails Girl.  Girl responds.  Guy and Girl meet each other and either they never see each other again or they continue in this pattern.  There is no doubt at all right from the start that the intention behind their correspondence and meetings is romantic in nature.  For instance, I already know that the Fly Fisherman is interested in me because he's the one who (a) asked me out the first time, and (b) asked me out for a second date.  So it's good that the pressure is off me and that I, in a way, have the upper hand and control, but I miss the butterflies! 

Maybe it is because most of the guys I have dated started as friends first.  There is that first stage where your girlfriends start noticing that you are acting differently around him and you adamantly deny that you have any feelings for him.  But after a few weeks you come to grips with the fact that yes, you have a high-school-type crush and look for any opportunity to spend time with him.  And then, that amazing moment comes, when you are somewhat sure he feels the same way about you but not 100% certain, so you orchestrate a situation in which the two of you are alone, and then your heart beats faster and oh my god his hand brushes against yours!  Was it intentional?  Does he like you?  Will he do it again?  And you hope beyond all hope that he does, and sure enough, your instincts were right!  As he leans in for the kiss your stomach is aflutter with a million butterflies as you come to the realization that beyond a shadow of a doubt, he likes you too! 

I miss that feeling and will be very disappointed if online dating deprives me of that amazing initial phase of a relationship.

jamesdeanmagnum: "I LOVE ROMANCE!!!! I'm DEPENDABLE, VERY FOCUSED, CREATIVE, I HAVE A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR!!!!! A SPONTANEOUS IMAGINATION!!!! I LOVE TO LAUGH WITH PEOPLE, NOT AT THEM. I TRY TO HAVE A LOT OF FUN WITH MY LIFE!!! I REALLY ENJOY MY CAREER!! MY BIGGEST FLAW IS.... I will ALWAYS HELP OTHERS WHEN EVER OR WHO EVER NEEDS IT!!! I'm a bone marrow and platelet downer. ... I'm a + and have a High hemoglobin count. As for my CARECTOR, Iowe a lot of that to "DOC" DR. Greg Hemingway, Ernest Hemingways' youngest son.  He lieved on and of with my family for 17yrs."  (who knew enthusiasm could be a turn-off?)