Confused

This post is about my 7.5 hour second date with the Fly Fisherman.

No, I didn't have a stop watch running during our date, but it did cross my mind today that we met for dinner at 5:30 and I didn't get home until 1ish.  I guess that's a good sign, right?

So I was in pretty foul mood when I met him for dinner.  Some non-dating related things happened this week that have made me really angry and I wasn't in the best frame of mind to be going on a date.  Also, I totally spaced out on the train going to meet him and missed my stop, so I was in a hurry and kind of just wanted to get it over with.  But I guess I didn't have the highest expectation the first time I met up with him, and like our first date, our second date was pleasantly surprising.

We had a quick dinner before heading to a football game.  I am a huge football fan and have had been going to games with my dad since I was 9.  I have season tickets but now that my dad has moved to a different city, it is surprisingly hard to find people to go with me.  My team is in first place and has had an almost perfect season, but a week ago we got our asses kicked by one of the worst teams in the league.  The game last night was against the second best team and I was not optimistic going into the game, especially having been in a terrible mood all day.

Well last night, we won, by a lot!  And it made me so happy!  I am honestly trying to figure out right now if I had such a good time last night because of the guy or the game.  It's probably a bit of both.  We had a good time at dinner, talking a bit more about our backgrounds, families, etc. and the game was a great venue for a second date because it was pretty casual and had readily available beer.  Oh, the beer. (I'll elaborate below).

So, I made a concerted effort throughout the night to be as honest as I could about myself.  I told him on no uncertain terms that I hate cooking, I don't clean often (to the point that there is not a clean dish in my apartment right now) and I provided full disclosure on my smoking habit (I know, I'm a terrible smoky smoker who deserves to get lung cancer, etc. etc.).  Also in the spirit of full disclosure, he now knows what the drunk version of myself is like.

We had many beers throughout the night, and I am a bit of a light weight, so here are the highlights: I came very close to getting into a fight with this puny, closed-minded asshole sitting a little ways down from us (for a good reason, I swear), I told him all about Hole-in-his-Crotch Guy who sits a couple seats away (see my first post for more details) and I dragged him to a random karaoke bar with my cousin and his friends (who I didn't know) after the game and then promptly decided that the karaoke bar wasn't fun enough so we had to leave.

So to his credit, he was trooper and has seen me close to my limit of intoxication, so if he is still interested, I guess that's something!

But to go back to the butterfly thing again, it just felt like something was missing.  He was a total gentleman and very respectful, but he was definitely being more affectionate than I was.  Like when we were walking, he would occasionally touch my back or when we were sitting he would touch my arm, and instead of feeling excited, I just totally pulled away.  Maybe this is my own issue and I have some deep seeded psychological problems with getting close to people or maybe I'm just not that interested.  He seems great and there is nothing overtly wrong with him,  but I can't help but feel a lack of enthusiasm.  So maybe, just maybe, these things take time and I should give it another go.  I don't believe in love at first sight, and since most guys I've dated have started as friends, maybe I should take more time to get to know him before making a decision one way or the other.

Why is dating so hard?  And how come I'm questioning myself instead of trusting in my own feelings?  I thought maybe writing things down in a blog would help me clarify some of these things, but I'm just left feeling just as confused as before.  I just want someone to make these decisions for me!

So in the spirit of trying to be more optimistic, at least he's not a waiter at one of my favourite restaurants, so if things don't work out I won't have to cross yet another decent place to eat off my list of acceptable establishments (this has actually been a problem for me this past year) and at least he's not in a band getting underwear thrown at him on stage by slutty slut slut whorish band groupies (yet another problem I have faced in my dating past).

On that note, let us see what Confusion101 has to say about being logical:

Confusion101: "since I wasn't born into a walthy estate or possess top notch quality charisma I like to pride my self on believing I can summon the strength to think outside hte box and transcend logic" (I think he obtained his goal of transcending logic in that sentence, good job!)