Making Amends with Band-Camp-Boy

Does anyone else have those moments from your past that have just nagged your conscience a little bit over the years?  Things that seem small and stupid that no one probably cares about anymore but that someday you might like to apologize for and make amends?  Well I had such an opportunity last weekend. 

(Before I get into it, I would just like to say that the reason for my lack of posts lately is because I have really just been too busy and preoccupied to keep up my online dating.  So I haven't actually met up with or corresponded with anyone new lately.  I haven't given up, I'm just taking a little break.  So this story actually has nothing to do with online dating but may provide some humor nonetheless.)

So I went out with a couple of friends of mine last weekend and we ended up crashing one of my friends' work parties at an Asian Karaoke bar.  As soon as we arrived, I realized that my grade 9 ex-boyfriend was belting out the Backstreet Boys on the microphone.   He recognized me right away, even though it had been years since we've seen each other or talked, and I wasn't sure what kind of reception he would give me based on how things were left between us all those years ago.

But after his rendition of "As Long As You Love Me", he came up to me right away to chat and catch up.  I think he even greeted me with a hug (I was already pretty smashed by this point so I'm a little hazy on the greeting details).  Anyhow, we got to talking about all the people from junior high/high school that we're still in touch with and then he introduced me to some of his friends at the party and immediately told them about our 2 week grade 9 romance.

So back in the day, we were both in the school band together.  He played bassoon.  I played saxophone.  A match made in heaven, right?  And I kind of knew he liked me and I think he knew I liked him, so when we were at band camp together (so lame, I know) he asked me to be his girlfriend one night on the back of the hay ride.  I said yes and was a smitten kitten the rest of the weekend. 

So he told this story to all his friends, which I thought was pretty cute, especially because you can imagine the jokes we got about hooking up at band camp (in our defence, this was pre-American Pie), but then he ended the story by shouting with indignation: "AND YOU BROKE UP WITH ME THROUGH A NOTE YOU PASSED ME IN SCIENCE CLASS!!!"

After hamming it up and playing the poor, hurt, dumped little boy, I was able to not only apologize but explain to him the reason why I broke up with him.  You see, this is one of those incidents that I've always felt kind of bad about, because he was a really nice kid who didn't deserve to be dumped via a note (keep in mind, this was in junior high).  But I explained to him that the break-up note was totally logical because his sister told my sister's best friend who told my sister who told me that he was thinking of breaking up with me.  So the science class break-up was a completely rational, pre-emptive move to save my rep, right? 

He denied ever telling his sister that he wanted to break up with me and in hindsight, I can see that maybe, just maybe, whatever he did tell his sister got lost in translation.  So I was able to make amends and sleep soundly that night (which was probably also due to the obscene amount of vodka cranberries I drank that evening).

The moral of the story is that it's never too late to apologize for your previous bad dating behavior.  I think Band-Camp-Boy and I might even go for lunch one of these days.

Bedefined: on what he's really good at - "Resourceful, philosophical, conservative/recycling, everything i touch turns to gold"

Confused

This post is about my 7.5 hour second date with the Fly Fisherman.

No, I didn't have a stop watch running during our date, but it did cross my mind today that we met for dinner at 5:30 and I didn't get home until 1ish.  I guess that's a good sign, right?

So I was in pretty foul mood when I met him for dinner.  Some non-dating related things happened this week that have made me really angry and I wasn't in the best frame of mind to be going on a date.  Also, I totally spaced out on the train going to meet him and missed my stop, so I was in a hurry and kind of just wanted to get it over with.  But I guess I didn't have the highest expectation the first time I met up with him, and like our first date, our second date was pleasantly surprising.

We had a quick dinner before heading to a football game.  I am a huge football fan and have had been going to games with my dad since I was 9.  I have season tickets but now that my dad has moved to a different city, it is surprisingly hard to find people to go with me.  My team is in first place and has had an almost perfect season, but a week ago we got our asses kicked by one of the worst teams in the league.  The game last night was against the second best team and I was not optimistic going into the game, especially having been in a terrible mood all day.

Well last night, we won, by a lot!  And it made me so happy!  I am honestly trying to figure out right now if I had such a good time last night because of the guy or the game.  It's probably a bit of both.  We had a good time at dinner, talking a bit more about our backgrounds, families, etc. and the game was a great venue for a second date because it was pretty casual and had readily available beer.  Oh, the beer. (I'll elaborate below).

So, I made a concerted effort throughout the night to be as honest as I could about myself.  I told him on no uncertain terms that I hate cooking, I don't clean often (to the point that there is not a clean dish in my apartment right now) and I provided full disclosure on my smoking habit (I know, I'm a terrible smoky smoker who deserves to get lung cancer, etc. etc.).  Also in the spirit of full disclosure, he now knows what the drunk version of myself is like.

We had many beers throughout the night, and I am a bit of a light weight, so here are the highlights: I came very close to getting into a fight with this puny, closed-minded asshole sitting a little ways down from us (for a good reason, I swear), I told him all about Hole-in-his-Crotch Guy who sits a couple seats away (see my first post for more details) and I dragged him to a random karaoke bar with my cousin and his friends (who I didn't know) after the game and then promptly decided that the karaoke bar wasn't fun enough so we had to leave.

So to his credit, he was trooper and has seen me close to my limit of intoxication, so if he is still interested, I guess that's something!

But to go back to the butterfly thing again, it just felt like something was missing.  He was a total gentleman and very respectful, but he was definitely being more affectionate than I was.  Like when we were walking, he would occasionally touch my back or when we were sitting he would touch my arm, and instead of feeling excited, I just totally pulled away.  Maybe this is my own issue and I have some deep seeded psychological problems with getting close to people or maybe I'm just not that interested.  He seems great and there is nothing overtly wrong with him,  but I can't help but feel a lack of enthusiasm.  So maybe, just maybe, these things take time and I should give it another go.  I don't believe in love at first sight, and since most guys I've dated have started as friends, maybe I should take more time to get to know him before making a decision one way or the other.

Why is dating so hard?  And how come I'm questioning myself instead of trusting in my own feelings?  I thought maybe writing things down in a blog would help me clarify some of these things, but I'm just left feeling just as confused as before.  I just want someone to make these decisions for me!

So in the spirit of trying to be more optimistic, at least he's not a waiter at one of my favourite restaurants, so if things don't work out I won't have to cross yet another decent place to eat off my list of acceptable establishments (this has actually been a problem for me this past year) and at least he's not in a band getting underwear thrown at him on stage by slutty slut slut whorish band groupies (yet another problem I have faced in my dating past).

On that note, let us see what Confusion101 has to say about being logical:

Confusion101: "since I wasn't born into a walthy estate or possess top notch quality charisma I like to pride my self on believing I can summon the strength to think outside hte box and transcend logic" (I think he obtained his goal of transcending logic in that sentence, good job!)

Missing the Butterflies

So tonight I am going on my second date with the Fly Fisherman (see my last post for me details), and I think it should be a good time, but I can't help but feel a little disappointed at the lack of anticipation.

I mean, online dating effectively takes the mystery and the fun of the chase out of new relationships.  On the one hand, it is convenient to be able to weed out all the undesirables right from the start by looking at people's profiles and e-mailing back and forth.  But I am finding that it also takes the suspense out of the equation as well. 

Everything just seems so cut and dry and to the point.  Guy looks at Girl's profile.  Guy e-mails Girl.  Girl responds.  Guy and Girl meet each other and either they never see each other again or they continue in this pattern.  There is no doubt at all right from the start that the intention behind their correspondence and meetings is romantic in nature.  For instance, I already know that the Fly Fisherman is interested in me because he's the one who (a) asked me out the first time, and (b) asked me out for a second date.  So it's good that the pressure is off me and that I, in a way, have the upper hand and control, but I miss the butterflies! 

Maybe it is because most of the guys I have dated started as friends first.  There is that first stage where your girlfriends start noticing that you are acting differently around him and you adamantly deny that you have any feelings for him.  But after a few weeks you come to grips with the fact that yes, you have a high-school-type crush and look for any opportunity to spend time with him.  And then, that amazing moment comes, when you are somewhat sure he feels the same way about you but not 100% certain, so you orchestrate a situation in which the two of you are alone, and then your heart beats faster and oh my god his hand brushes against yours!  Was it intentional?  Does he like you?  Will he do it again?  And you hope beyond all hope that he does, and sure enough, your instincts were right!  As he leans in for the kiss your stomach is aflutter with a million butterflies as you come to the realization that beyond a shadow of a doubt, he likes you too! 

I miss that feeling and will be very disappointed if online dating deprives me of that amazing initial phase of a relationship.

jamesdeanmagnum: "I LOVE ROMANCE!!!! I'm DEPENDABLE, VERY FOCUSED, CREATIVE, I HAVE A GREAT SENSE OF HUMOR!!!!! A SPONTANEOUS IMAGINATION!!!! I LOVE TO LAUGH WITH PEOPLE, NOT AT THEM. I TRY TO HAVE A LOT OF FUN WITH MY LIFE!!! I REALLY ENJOY MY CAREER!! MY BIGGEST FLAW IS.... I will ALWAYS HELP OTHERS WHEN EVER OR WHO EVER NEEDS IT!!! I'm a bone marrow and platelet downer. ... I'm a + and have a High hemoglobin count. As for my CARECTOR, Iowe a lot of that to "DOC" DR. Greg Hemingway, Ernest Hemingways' youngest son.  He lieved on and of with my family for 17yrs."  (who knew enthusiasm could be a turn-off?)

Date #3 with the Fly Fisher

Last night I met bachelor #3 for a couple drinks after work.  This date went really well, probably the best of the three, but I really need to start eating something before these dates, because like the first one, we went to a bar, declined to order dinner, and proceeded to have a few drinks on empty stomachs and before I knew it, it was 9pm (although I called my friend after who swore it was 8pm, so I don't know what to believe) and I was starving and drunk. 

Maybe the reason why my impression of this date is so positive is because I went into it with lower expectations.  My first two dates were with guys whose profiles I had already checked out and approved prior to any e-mailing back and forth, whereas this guy e-mailed me first, so I did not have high expectations that we would click.  I was also in a bit of a bad mood and I looked like crap (of course on the day of my date, five pimples decided to make an appearance on my face) and half of me hoped that he wouldn't show up. 

I walked into the pub and asked the hostess if there were any guys sitting alone at any tables or if anyone had asked for me, to which she said no.  I looked around a bit and didn't see anyone resembling him, and told the hostess that I didn't think he was here yet.  I guess by the tone of my voice or the way I phrased things, she knew automatically that I was on a blind date and was very excited for me.  Much more excited than I was, in fact.  Totally giddy, she asked if she could poke her head around the corner to see how it was going throughout the evening.

So she picked a good table for us and seated me by myself while I waited and I wasted no time ordering a drink to ease the pre-date awkwardness of waiting at a table alone.  He showed up a couple minutes later and was really nice and laid back and he seemed interested in what I had to say and he spent a lot of time asking me questions about my life.  I think this might be another reason why this date was better than the last two, because most of it was him asking me questions rather than the other way around.

But I did find out some interesting things about him, like his dad was a commercial fisherman and he spent his summers as a kid and teenager on his dad's boat helping him fish.  I also learned more than I ever cared to know about fly fishing, and in a rather blond moment, I inquired about whether actual flies (the insects) were used as bait.  He graciously pretended that my question was not completely idiotic and I quickly changed the subject from fishing. 

So all in all, it was a pretty good time and we talked about going out again.  My only concern is that he is 11 years older than me.  He didn't act or look that much older, so hopefully it won't be an issue.  My only hesitation is that he might be in a different point in his life regarding the whole marriage and reproduction thing.  But I'm sure this will become more apparent as time goes on, so no need to bring it up now, right?

There is another guy who I have been e-mailing quite extensively with, so hopefully we will actually meet up in person one of these days, and I'll be sure to write alllll about it!

Francisplh: "Hello everyone! I am looking girlfriend, if good, I will get married. Thank very much for read my profile. " 

The Basics will Suffice

So I am going on Date Number 3 on Thursday, but until then, please indulge me in this post about a huge pet peeve that I need to get off my chest: spelling and grammatical errors.

I appreciate the fact that type-os occur often and I acknowledge that I have made my share from time to time and if you look hard enough in this blog you will realize that my grammar is by no means perfect. However, the ability to put together a sentence that is basically grammatically correct is essential to attract me to your online dating profile for the following reasons: (i) it shows me that you are not a complete idiot; (ii) the entire point of putting up a profile is to grab people's attention with your words; (iii) it shows that you have at least taken the time to proof read and put forth your best image, and (iv) it shows that you are not too effing lazy to use the freaking spell check button. 

So, lets go back to elementary school for a moment and review a few lessons. 

1) Knowledge of the difference between "your" and "you're" is a must.  YOU'RE a lazy person for not using spell check on YOUR profile.

2) Also essential is knowing the difference between "to" and "too".  I am going TO kill myself and you TOO if I have to read another grammatical error on your profile.   

3) Possibly the most irritating and by far the most laziest mistake is the refusal of some people to capitalize "I".  The word, "I", must be capitalized every single time, not just at the beginning of a sentence.

4) Along the same lines as number 3, I've noticed a lot of people have a tendency to capitalize random words in the middle of their sentences.  I just don't understand it.  Why?  Can someone please tell me why BIGD_01 thinks that the following sentence is acceptable: "I am born and raised canadiana nd i love it here in canada I am Down to earth, good listener, and a good person."  I really don't care how good of a person you are if you don't know that "Canada" and "I" should be capitalized, while "down" should not be. 

5) Another valuable skill is knowing the difference between using an "s" to pluralize a noun and using an "s" to show possession. 

6) Knowledge of the difference between "its" and "it's" is also an asset.  I know this is a tricky one, but you can learn from the following example: IT'S irritating as all hell when people don't know the very basic elements of English grammar.  The spell check button is your friend.  ITS function is to make you look smarter than you are.

7) Also impressive is knowing the difference between "were", "we're" and "where".  Although they may look similar, each of them means something completely different.  For instance, "WE'RE getting annoyed because the words on your profile WERE all spelled incorrectly.  WHERE did you go to school?", demonstrates their proper use.

8) Also different are the words "than" and "then".  Take note, if your spelling is better THAN mine, THEN you may e-mail me.

9) And if you really want to impress me, you can show me that you know that "a lot" is two separate words and "always" is one, as are "someone" and "something".

The thing that gets me is that almost every person describes themselves as intelligent on their profiles, while many of them can't construct a coherent sentence.  I know there is more to intelligence than proper spelling, but if you don't know that a period goes at the end of a sentence then at the very least, don't comment on how smart you are.  How can I trust anything else on your profile?

An interesting tactic was used by Likes2Like4U (gross name, I know), who readily admitted to "suking" at spelling on his profile, and fully lived up to this statement with words like "activityes", "bin" (aka "been"), "colective", "buisness", "listining", "susport", "wil", "harted", and "nessary".  He also confused the words "prospective" with "perspective" and "were" with "where".  The real interesting part of his profile was that his justification for his poor spelling is that he types too fast.  I sincerely doubt this accounts for his atrocious spelling, but even if I give him the benefit of the doubt, what is his justification for being too god damned lazy to proof read or hit the spell check button?

So here is the basic process for writing a profile:
1) Type what you want to say
2) Proof read and edit for spelling and grammar
3) Hit the spell check button to pick up on anything you may have missed in Step 2

If you are unsure if you used a word properly, www.dictionary.com is a helpful website I use all the time. 

I don't think Dallas0 did any of the above three steps, as I don't even understand what he means by "I am humorus, spontanious, and layedbac. ... i love the classics more than anything but as long as it can hold my interestes im good and lots of mags".




CorazonDelator: "I am objective and i know what i want, i'm a fighter person, never surrender i always try to give the 101%, do my best efforts. I want someone who aprecciates those values, so i will do the same on her, she must be honest, reliable, tender, have family values. I am a kind of old-fashioned when it comes to dating. i am so respectful. Have you ever dating on a kitchen?" 

Tid Bits of Advice for Creating a Profile

Having searched probably over a hundred profiles by now, I have a few tips for the men out there posting on these websites.  Maybe I am just being too nit-picky and overly judgmental, but isn't that the point of having so many guys' profiles to choose from?

So here are some tips for posting photos:

1) Display more than one picture
2) Include pictures taken from different angles
3) Don't only post the one or two best pictures that have ever been taken of you or your date will inevitably be disappointed by the real thing
4) Include close up and panoramic shots
5) Make sure the pictures are recent enough to accurately represent what you look like TODAY
6) Pictures of yourself wearing socks with sandals are not okay
7) Pictures of you holding a puppy or a baby are transparent attempts to show your sensitive side
8) Even if you do in fact wear a baseball cap and sunglasses 24/7, try to still include at least one picture without these two items
9) Don't make your main profile picture one of you and another girl
10) Take a good, long, hard look in the mirror before posting a shirtless photo
11) It's one thing to include a shirtless picture, but it's another to have a close-up of just your abs (ahem, Inochan94)
12) It is quite another thing to have a shirtless, bicep flexing picture, highlighting your generic, black, arm band tattoo, which is located on the wrong part of your arm (take note, BigDawg39)

And here are some tips and observations about writing a description about yourself for your profile:

1) Don't describe yourself as intelligent unless you are at least willing to spell check and proof read your description (I'm actually planning a blog post exclusively devoted to spelling and grammatical errors on people's profiles)
2) Don't exaggerate - an entrepreneur is not the same thing as a delivery driver for a dry cleaning company (I mean, come on Cgy3952!)
3) Don't describe your "worst quality" as being too nice, or too honest, or too giving.  This isn't a job interview and you're not fooling anyone, like JoeofKerala who described himself as "looking for the important girlfriend position to fill."
4) Similarly, don't list "business networking" as number one on your list of interests and hobbies.
5) Don't describe yourself as "confident but not conceited" and then go on to compare yourself to the likes of Gandhi, Obama and Einstein.
6) Don't proclaim that you are a great kisser - this just makes you seem like you have something to prove or you are naive enough to have believed that one girl you were with five years ago who felt the need to fill the awkward post-kiss silence with a half-hearted compliment.

These may seem like pretty common sense type of suggestions, but you would be surprised the ridiculous things people say in their descriptions.

I was talking with Amanda about one of our pet peeves with guys describing their ideal match.  Basically, some guys (and probably girls too, but I don't peruse female profiles so I can't really comment) describe the person they are looking for on really narrow terms.  For instance, a lot of guys describe the ideal body type for their match as "thin" or "slender", or they might specify a certain race they are looking for.  Even if these superficial qualities are an absolute requirement, some girls who actually fit these criteria may be put off by the fact that you would even specify such things, and not respond to you at all.  Although, now that I think about it, it is actually a good thing when people show just how narrow-minded they actually are, so that I can screen them out right away...

And before I close, I must say that in my last post I mentioned that a few guys who I have e-mailed haven't written me back.  That night when I went home and checked my e-mail there was a message from one of those guys.  He politely told me that he is actually seeing someone now but can't figure out how to close down his profile and that I seem like a really nice girl, etc. etc.  I must say, I found this to be incredibly nice and I appreciated the time he took to write me.  So, I am going to try harder to respond to people, even if it's just to say a polite, "no thanks".

souldoctor4325 (49 years old): "I like to talk quietly in dark corners" and "I promise I won't bite, at least not until I know you and them maybe a nibble or two in the right places."

Am I in violation of proper online dating etiquette?

Now that it has been two weeks since I posted my profile:

174 people have viewed my profile;
27 e-mails have been exchanged;
26 people have "winked" at me;
3 people have "favourited" me; and
2 people have met me in person.

While I am getting savvier day by day at the whole online dating world, there remains some questions I am unsure of, specifically regarding online dating etiquette.  When is it appropriate to acknowledge someone's interest in you and when is it acceptable to just ignore someone? 

There are probably different views on this issue, and as someone who tends to flee from personal conflicts, I lean towards the whole avoidance tactic.  I would say I respond to maybe 1/5 of the e-mails sent to me through the dating website; the others I just ignore.  Is that okay, or am I being rude by not responding to people I have no desire to talk to? 

Does online dating etiquette dictate that you respond to every wink, nudge, favourite, e-mail, etc.?  I mean, there have been a couple e-mails that I have sent out with no reply, and I am not offended or desperately waiting to hear from them.  I guess in my take on this issue, I am assuming that others share a similar approach of e-mailing a few people who seem interesting and then leaving the ball in their court.  I hate rejecting people so much that I have actually plagiarized one of Amanda's "rejection e-mails" that she sent to a guy she met up with but didn't want to see again. 

I'm trying to think of how this issue translates into the "real world" dating experience.  If I was at a coffee shop and some random winked at me or approached me with a cheesy line, would it be appropriate to ignore him or tell him to get lost?  I think most people would say yes to this question, but what about the sincere, good-intentioned but slightly awkward dude who means well but doesn't interest you?  Is he owed more of an explanation, and should he be humoured a little so as not to hurt his feelings?

I think one of the beautiful things about online dating is that you can be more assertive than in real life.  A couple months ago, I was at a bar with a couple girlfriends of mine who pointed out that I lacked any skill in warding off unwanted advances.  So I spent the night trying to be more assertive.  I danced with one guy until it dawned on me that he was a tight-shirt, gold chain wearing, idiot on steroids (this fact occurred to my friends much sooner than to me) at which point I gave him a fake phone number when he asked for my digits.  I was proud of myself for not giving him my real number but thought I could do better, so I told the next guy who approached our table to go away on no uncertain terms.  I thought I did great until one of my friends said I might have been a little harsh and he wasn't as creepy as most of the other dudes there so I should have let him down a little softer.  I felt so bad, I went over to his table to explain that it was nothing personal against him and that I was just learning how to be more assertive.  This conversation only made things worse and super awkward for everyone.   

I guess, as in real life, the issue of when to avoid, when to tell off, and when to let someone down softly is a decision to be made on a case-by-case basis.  But I must admit, it is fun to tell guys off when their arrogance and love of themselves is so very apparent from a three sentence e-mail.  For example, on my first post I quoted DustyBlueEyes who stated that he met "a plethora of people who perceive [him] as an intellectual god".  I responded by telling him that in addition to being godlike, he is modest too.  He responded by telling me he was joking but that he was serious about being a really good speller.  I responded by correcting his use of the word "effect" which should have been "affect". 

And a few days ago, Cgymaks send me a message saying "you give me a good vibe so whatcha say sweetheart.  I know my age may throw you off but I assure you my head is on straight and one convo with me you would totaly dig me lol I'm sure of it hun," to which I replied, "I don't "dig" people who call me "sweetheart" or "hun"". 

Maybe online dating is really just an outlet for my pent up bitchyness? 

Kebede: is really good at "make funny for averybody make for them samething to eat"

You get what you pay for

So, I know that the weekend is probably the most common time of the week to date, but my parents are in town so I have taken a brief hiatus from the dating scene this week.  But, even though I haven't met up with any more dudes, I will still provide a post for your enjoyment.

So I've actually signed up on two different dating sites: one that is free and one that costs money.  The thing I found frustrating at first was that the free one asked a million different compatibility questions, presumably to increase the potential for actually finding someone worth dating, while the one that costs money asked zero questions and matches people primarily based on physical characteristics.

I checked my account on the free site today and found a guy who I am supposedly an 82% match with.  Intrigued, I viewed H140's profile to see what we had in common.

I have reproduced the particularly interesting parts of his profile below:

"To sum me up, you can use any of the following words: Evil, maniacal, egotistical and non-empathetic towards other life forms" (Red flag perhaps?)


"I don't want someone who will be nice to me all the time" (Should we add masochistic to the list?)


"I am my own god and I don't believe in most laws." (And anarchistic?)

"I don't really go around creating problems for others and wrecking havoc in this world like a psychotic dinosaur on PCP and LSD."  (okay, this one is legitimately funny, IF he is joking)

"This is my list of goals.

1. Take over the world. (Aspiring dictator?) 
2. Collect & traffic human souls. (Devil worshipper?) 
3. Write a hit song. (One would think that attaining this goal would be somewhat less satisfying after you have become a global/spiritual dictator.)
4. Survive the eventual collapse of western society. (Again, how hard would this be for the dictator of the world?) 
5. Live a life filled with love, hate, laughter, music, and books. (I think "hate" would definitely be attainable) 
6. Meet someone from every country in the world, befriend them and learn about their culture right before I eat them. (Psychopathic?) 
7. Learn how to mix a fluent and rocking DJ set consisting of Hardcore, Hardstyle, D&B, Dub Step, Alternative Rock, Classic Rock, Electro, House, Hip Hop, and R&B/Club..." (Well what would good would it be to become a global/spiritual dictator if you're not an accomplished d.j.?)

"Generally, I don't like to think too much about things because it is all insignificant and a moot point in the end. (Idiotic? Lazy? Incredibly poor rationalizer?) I am this way due to the fact that the greatest scientific discoveries only lead to more questions rather than any real tangible answers as to why we exist." (Illogical? Since when are "scientific discoveries" aimed at answering questions about human existence?)

"I also double dip chips and I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!" (Inconsiderate at best, proponent of biological warfare at worst) 

"You should message me if You are sleazy, shoot heroin 5x a day and are missing most of your teeth, or if you just feel like messaging me." (I'm not sure that I meet his incredibly high threshold) 

Should I be concerned that an evil, maniacal, egotistical, non-empathetic, masochistic, anarchistic, devil worshipping, psychopathic, idiotic, inconsiderate, aspiring dictator/soul trafficker/d.j. is supposed to be a great match for me?   Or how about the fact that the website must think that I am at least 82% of a sleazy, heroin addicted hillbilly? 


I've realized that the saying, "you get what you pay for", has never been more applicable.  

Clockrocket: "I am standing, staring and behand you"

Lucky Date Number 2 with the Monkey Man

Last night was my second date night.  The guy I met up with this time, Herbie_01, was definitely not lacking in the sense of humour department, like WinterSleeps.  But again, I'm not sure that there was a very strong romantic vibe between us, or at least not on my end.  Again, there was nothing noticeably wrong about him and there were no red flags popping up, but I can really only picture us as friends. 

One of the great things about online dating that Amanda and I enjoy is the ability to completely and arbitrarily judge people based on very little information!  It sounds mean, but it can actually be pretty fun and entertaining.  Like RogerLksMnts, who posted a picture of himself wearing socks with sandals.  This would be a red flag because not only does he wear socks with sandals, he does so unashamedly, and actually lets all his potential "matches" know this fact about him by advertising it for the world to see. 

So although it can be fun to judge people, I really don't mean to sound judgmental when I say this, but Herbie_01 was just a little too much on the geeky side.  Now, those who know me might call me a hypocrite for this statement, since I have been known to have memorized all the elements on the periodic table in order, just for fun.  So in some respects, me calling someone "geeky" is really the pot calling the kettle black.  But I don't think I ooze the geekiness to the same extent as this guy, or at least not in front of someone I just met. 

But he was a super nice guy with a great sense of humour, and now I am worried that I am just being too picky.  But then I think, why shouldn't I picky?  I have a lot going for me and I'm a decently nice person.  Don't I deserve someone who I feel is the right fit for me? 

On an interesting note, a little tid bit I found out about Herbie_01 is that he was a primatology major (the study of apes and monkeys).  He got to go to Belize to study monkeys and he actually partied one night with Jane Goodall.  Needless to say, I spent a good half hour picking his brain about monkey factoids (I just love monkeys!). 

So, if I decide to go out with Herbie_01 again, it has to be at the zoo so I can learn all about the different kinds of monkeys!  Hmmm, maybe we are a good match...

Genuinegy on what he spends a lot of time thinking about: "coloring in my coloring book...i get stressed out when my pencil crayons break or when i can't stay in the lines...i hate that."

Date #1 with the Juno-nominated drummer

Last night I met up for the first time with one of my "matches".  It went pretty well, much to my surprise.  He was one of the guys who I actually messaged first so I had high expectations to begin with, but after talking with one of my friends who has been doing the online dating thing for about a month now, I was skeptical. 

Before I actually put up a profile on the dating site I use, I was really hesitant for several reasons.  The first reason was that I had done a fairly generic search on the site just to see what kind of guys were out there and two results came back of guys I already knew.  The two guys are examples of the kind of guy I would never in a million years want to date.  The first one was the most socially awkward guy in high school who is also super religious and would just not be compatible with me on any level.  The other guy is someone who I know for a fact sells weed to supplement his income.  The prospect of being matched with these guys was too devastating to bear so I didn't put my profile up right away.

But, on the way home from the awkward 5th wheel date from hell, which I described yesterday, I meekly asked Mario what he thought of online dating and he actually surprised me with his response.  He completely supported the idea and made a good point that when we were all in university it was so much easier to meet people because you see new people every single day.  But in the working world, you only see your colleagues and don't interact with new people on a daily basis, and when you do, they are usually work-related.  Not only am I NOT looking for an office romance, but there are absolutely no eligible guys to date in my office anyhow!  Compounded with the fact that I spend almost all my time at work, online dating really is the only viable option.

I was encouraged, but still had this idea in my head that there would be a stigma attached to me as being somehow pathetic or desperate, so I texted Amanda, whose opinion I can always trust, asking "On a scale of 1 to 10, how pathetic is online dating?"  She also completely surprised me with her response, saying "I hope it's not pathetic cause I've been doing it for a month."  I immediately called her to discuss her experiences and was informed that pretty much all of our single friends from law school were all trying online dating.  It is actually a very normal and common thing for young, single professionals to do. 

That is how I finally decided to hit the "publish" button for my profile and begin this crazy adventure. 

So I've been e-mailing a few guys back and forth, and am pleasantly surprised that there appears to be some good humoured, intelligent men who are still single out there, which brings me to last night.

"WinterSleeps" and I met up at a lounge/bar type establishment after work yesterday for what was supposed to be a quick drink.  I got there first and snagged a table facing the door and proceeded to scrutinize every man who walked through.  I had WinterSleep's profile picture on my blackberry which I compared to every dude entering the restaurant.  I didn't think I would be that nervous, but every guy who entered filled my body with anxiety.  It didn't help that almost all the men there were significantly older than me and quite grey, and I was worried that maybe WinterSleeps had put much younger pictures of himself online and was about to pull a bait and switch on me. 

Fortunately, when he finally walked in, I let out a big sigh of relief, as he was a fairly attractive guy (granted the two pictures on his profile have to have been the two best pictures ever taken of him).  I was already half way done my first (of three) martinis so I was as relaxed as could be expected on a first date.  Although, moments before he entered, it occurred to me that I didn't know if a handshake or a hug was an appropriate greeting in this circumstance so I madly texted Amanda for her opinion, to which she gave the most unhelpful response, "whatever feels right." 

So, we shook hands rather awkwardly and started chatting slightly awkwardly as well, but let me tell you, three martinis and two and a half hours later, we were talking very comfortably with each other.  It wasn't until I got home after nine that I realized I hadn't eaten dinner! 

So all in all, it was a positive first experience.  I don't think he is "the one" (not that I am a sole mate believer), as he seemed a bit too serious for me.  Also, a few things mentioned in our e-mails I found out were slightly exaggerated, but I guess that is to be expected when you are trying to attract someone you've never met.  Interestingly, I found out he was in a band that was nominated for a Juno award a few years ago, which is something he didn't mention on his profile.  If I were him, I definitely would have started with that tid bit! 

I think I would go out with him again now that we know a bit more about each other to see if his sense of humour was just hiding.  But tonight, I'm going out with bachelor number 2, so wish me luck!

Genuineboy: "Are you able to give me a call tonight before bed to chat for a bit while we fall asleep?"

P.s. My new policy is handshake to start, and if it was a positive experience, a hug to end.

A Blog for Those Skeptical of Online Dating, Like Myself

Hello internet world!

This blog is here for all those people, like myself, who view online dating with some skepticism.  I have never done it before, so I plan on chronicling my online dating experiences from the start, perhaps to provide an example of what online dating entails for those who are hesitant to give it a shot.  I have no idea whether this will be a success story or a complete disaster, but either way, hopefully it will make an interesting tale.

Like online dating, the world of blogging is also incredibly new to me.  I have just recently contemplated the question of whether online dating is something worth pursuing, and the very minimal experience I have had thus far has been kind of hilarious and hopefully worth sharing in this type of forum.  From the very limited experience I have had, and also from listening to a few of my friends' stories, I figure it might be interesting (at least for me) to narrate my online dating experiences right from the beginning.

So, here is a little bit about me: I am a single, young professional who graduated from law school in 2009 and I've been working at a big corporate law firm for the past year (wow, this already sounds like my dating profile).  Like many others, work takes up the majority of my time and makes it difficult to meet new people.  Although the difficulty in meeting new people (especially of the non-legal variety) influenced my decision, this factor in and of itself is not what motivated me to try online dating.

I guess there are a few events that have culminated in my "real world" frustration that has catalyzed my new online pass time.  After law school, I moved back to my hometown thinking it would be great to re-connect with old friends and family.  Once I was back home, I realized, to my dismay, that my friends did not stay static during my 6 years away.  They actually had the nerve to enter into relationships with other people!  People I didn't know.  People that had effectively taken my place.

Again, although this was unfortunate, I put up with the fact that either I would forever be the third wheel or I just wouldn't see them anymore, and did not jump into the online dating world right away.  As time passed, a particular friend of mine, who shall be named Mario for the purpose of this blog, decided he would set me up with his single friends.  I'm still unsure whether this was done out of pity, love or a desire not to lose my friendship once him and his new fiance settled down, but we have been friends since the days of high school and silly me, I thought he might actually know me well enough to be my successful matchmaker.

I proceeded to go on blind, double date with Mario, his fiance, and Mario's colleague, who shall be called "Jared".  We went to a hockey game, which was a nice, relaxed setting for a first date. But perhaps it was too relaxed.  Jared seemed like a nice enough guy with a pretty good sense of humor but part way through the first period of the hockey game, he began discussing pornography with me.  He informed me as to the legal status of "crush films."  Not being a pornography connoisseur myself, I foolishly inquired as to what "crush films" were and was advised that they are films in which a woman, while having sex, crushes a small, live animal under her stilettos until it dies.

If any guys ever read this blog, please take note, crush films is not an acceptable first date topic of conversation.  I like to think of myself as a pretty laid back person who is willing to give people the benefit of the doubt most times, so although awkward, I didn't totally write Jared off.  But immediately following the crush films discussion, I noticed that Jared had a gaping whole in the crotch of his jeans.  I'm not talking a small penny sized tear here, I'm talking a hole that a baseball could fit through leaving his white, pasty, disgusting thigh visible for the world to see. 

Something else about me is that I try to be as straightforward as possible.  So upon noticing the Texas-sized hole, I said "Dude, you have a huge hole in your crotch."  He responded with, "Yeah, I know.  I can't afford to buy a new pair of pants until next payday." 

I would never hold someone's impecuniosity against them, but I had to wonder why, if it was true he couldn't afford any other pants, he didn't repair the ones he had.  I mean, anything would have done: a needle and thread perhaps, duct tape, or even wearing boxers instead of your tighty whities to at least make the hole less noticeable.  The fact that either none of these options occurred to him or he just didn't care was his downfall. 

I thought that would be the end of Jared in my life, but I was mistaken.  I think maybe in a prior life I was one of those bitchy high school girls in the in-crowd who made others' lives unbearable and karma is now biting me in the ass for it.  A few weeks later, I had a party and I e-mailed Mario to say that he could bring anyone he wanted except the creepy hole-in-his-pants dude.  Mario, being the caring, sensitive friend that he is, forwarded my e-mail to Jared without my permission, who responded by writing, "Tell her I have a hole in my pants for her right now."  Two days later, I went to a football game, where I have season tickets, and low and behold, who has season tickets 2 seats away from me, but Jared!  So now I have to see this guy every couple weeks and engage in super awkward banter throughout the games.

That is but one example of several awkward dates I have been on this past year.  But the event that truly made me reach my tipping point occurred this past Saturday night.  Mario invited me to go out with him and his fiance, who is actually a very sweet, lovely girl who I get along with really well, which is why I didn't think I would feel awkward crashing their date night.  What Mario didn't tell me was that him and his fiance were actually meeting up with a married couple as a double date. 

I vaguely knew the couple from back when I lived here the first time, but I was far from close with them.  And instead of the evening being an opportunity to get to know each other, they basically excluded me from the entire conversation and solely discussed "couple" topics, such as weddings, and buying houses, and I now know in detail the horrifically boring story of that couple's engagement (it happened at a church youth group, enough said).  This would have been tolerable if any of them had made even the slightest effort to include me in the conversation, but although it had been probably a good 5 years since I had seen these people, not once did they inquire about what was new in my life or how I was doing. 

The worst part was when the waiter came to ask if we wanted our bills separately or together.  The other couple immediately said "separate" but didn't indicate how he was supposed to separate them, so I had to step up and say, "Yes, I am the 5th wheel in this situation.  It's okay, you can bring me my bill alone".   It was at that moment that I realized that I was never going to meet anyone even remotely compatible to me in the real world and that I would forever be the 5th wheel unless I became proactive and actually did something about it.

So that is how I ended up considering the online dating option.

I think that is about enough information for the first post, but I think I will close each post with a quote from either a random someone's online dating profile or a message sent to me.

Dusty_Blue_Eyes in a message to me: "A plethora of people think I'm an intellectual god" followed by "I'm trying really hard not to sound conceited."